Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
