My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
