He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
