did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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