i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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