i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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