The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
