I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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