i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
