So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
