worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was born a porn star she said
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
