He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
