You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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