I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize