I'm really into asian looking animals
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
