There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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