Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
