thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
