finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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