I love black thongs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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