tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
