so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
