There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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