I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize