you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Did you just see the Batmobile???
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
