we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
