Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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