Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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