come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
