while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
