Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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