I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
