It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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