At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
