it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
