No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
