We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
