you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
