Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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