Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
