he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
