She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
