im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
wow bdsm is so cute
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
