I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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