I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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