I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize