i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
