Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
