omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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