I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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