i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize