it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
