i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
FUCK WHALES
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
