sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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