I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
