Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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