White coat. Heels.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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