dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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