i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
