You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it because I queefed?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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