Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You can't special order awesome
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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