May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
time to smoke my breakfast
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
