i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
