i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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