I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
