maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
