Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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