Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize