Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Terrible idea I love it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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