maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
