maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
