right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize