when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
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