I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
