My nipple is on Facebook.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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