____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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