Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
