i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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