dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
