Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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