Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize