Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
