Yo dont text me then not text me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
