and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
