D3 body, D1 cock
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
