OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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