My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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