Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
