i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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