What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i am craving dick and cupcakes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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