There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
