you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize