Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I supernannyed him into submission
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