I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
