does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
