there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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